Institute of Begging Management

It’s a notable sight in all Indian Cities. Footpaths, street corners, traffic lights and in jams! They are ubiquitous. They are the ones who drive our tourist economy. I have found more foreigners training there cameras on them than the Taj. They are the Indigenous Indian Beggars.

As soon as I say, Footpath, traffic lights and beggars, you know what I mean. The picture is in front of you. You have already started becoming dismissive. And Oh…and you have already started to look the other way. Avoiding Eye contact is an acquired skill to evade many discomforts.

Now, hold the thought, the picture and the discomfort. Let us tackle this stereotype. By stripping down and perceiving, let us “pre-mortem” the “Beggar”. Let us acquaint ourselves with ourselves.

Let’s start with the language. Bagwaan/Allah ke Naam kuch de de Baba. (Please give some cash in the name of God). Bacchi ke liye kuch khane ko dede.(Please give some cash to buy food for my hungry kid). And many various versions. You can add your own. But if you concentrate on the Lingo, it beseeches for cash on “someone else’s” name. They also mouth rather high philosophies and bless you like no God can. Intuitively they know, language and vocabulary matters. 

Look at their attire and the personality. It’s simple, low key, almost self-abnegating. In their business, they know, looks matter. The more famished they look they more cash they trap. It’s their business model.

Have you seen a Beggar begging in the Jungle? Probably they hide or retire there. But you see them place themselves strategically at locations of most probability. The greater is the numerator, the better the inflow. Tell me, what management books they have read. Or any books!

It’s the attitude which creates that aptitude. We think we have attitude. No we don’t. We have altitude. It’s defined by our separateness. We choose to look the other way. We get affected by ups and downs. They don’t. They will look at you directly. And they don’t waste time on you. They hit their slogans. If it works, OK, if it doesn’t, they quickly move away. They know probability needs many events for positive outcomes.

Sometimes I think, I should stop wasting money on IIM’s. True business models lies with the beggars. There is nothing left in studying fatty books and stealing PPT’s. Or in learning 5 point formulas and 10 point methods. And then getting yourself photographed grinning like an idiot with some IIM logo looming from the background.

It’s not without reason that great religious teacher where also beggars. Their disciples, who had more altitude, called themselves – Bhiksuks (one who lives by alms). But begging was a necessary training once. Even Kings had to do that for a decade or so. Check out our mythologies. It’s all the courses of all managements rolled into one. And it’s free. You don’t enter here with a CAT, but you sure come out like a Lion.

I am thinking, I should too, take this step. After all the drinking and smoking, begging seems to be a next best alternative. I must take this necessary step before the step itself becomes necessary. Drinking has taught me that initially everything is bitter, thereafter you don’t care. And it has its upside too – Money with weight-loss. I have also heard they serve true-brew at sundown.