Much Trouble about Nothing!

Two things in this world we can certainly do without. Believe me, you will never miss it. Actually, most of us are already living without it with no wrongful effect seen as yet. I have come to the conclusion that mankind can safely omit Plants and Animals. Nothing adverse will happen. Let me explain.

Come to think of it, there is too much monitoring cost to sustain Plants and Animals. Millions are spent on this futile misadventure. Money and Resources can be allocated and utilized profitably elsewhere. For years endlessly, we have been diverting funds for this defeatist cause, a cause which in any case getting weaker by the decade. It’s like mankind has fallen in love with a gone-case. It’s about time we do a re-think and learn from our past triumphs. Or else, we will be condemned to share their fate – with those Plants and Animals.

I could never ever get this! Why are we so attached with Plants and Animals? What benefits do they provide us? What is the purpose of their existence? What would happen if they become extinct? What is it that they do, that we cannot do it ourselves or device it ourselves? I mean, aren’t we just fooling ourselves by giving them importance. Our concerns for Plants and Animals show our misplaced priorities and emotions.

If you are so much in love with animals, get stuffed toys. Have you not seen children playing with Dinosaurs. Toys are best to inform, educate and entertain. And if you get injured, by chance, the manufacturer will recall the entire stuff and get you compensation. Have you experienced the same with live animals? For centuries we are all been bitten, gored, eaten alive but our dear God is just easy. At least, He should recall mosquitoes! Anyway, we have to do it ourselves. So get stuffed toys and some come with inbuilt robot and will bark or growl as you desire. Artificial animals are controllable, safe and hygienic. And it comes with a guarantee and can be repaired. It won’t fall sick or die and then you don’t have to waste cash on a vet.

A vet is an idiot who wanted to be a gynaecologist but got less marks. This vet profession should go extinct and meet the same fate like shit-pickers and Flight Dispatchers. Vet exists not for animals but for our foolishness. Change to humane stuffed indulgence. Use your brains, get high-tech. And stop wasting money on live animals and dead Vets.

Now, let’s observe Plant life. What purpose does it serve except create obstacles? A tree is a futile, immobile, vertical growth of wood intended for no rhyme or reason. It stays put at one place occupying space and providing shelter to nincompoops like Birds. I will come to birds later.

A forest is a group of trees put together to make complete non-sense. It’s like political parties who plant flags everywhere and then sit down to play carom-board. A Forest is a problem for mankind. They give refuge to dangerous animals. For example, snakes. Why do we need snakes? To kill rats. Amazing logic. To control one innocuous being, does it need such a dangerous counterpart? It’s like killing a rat by an armoured tank! The applied force should be equivalent to the required objective. The Maker was either mis-informed or under-qualified!

What is the purpose of Lion or Tiger? Actually, mankind got them a purpose to live on this earth. We used the big cats to make beautiful jacket, shoes, and gowns etc. This gave the animals lots of glamour and importance. The Chinese are the best. They made better use of the big cats-by turning them into medicinal products. Then comes these dolts called conservationists and forced upon us a banning legislation and played spoil-sports. Since then Big Cats are Big waste and Big problems!

A conservationist is an attention seeker who failed to make his place in the human world. He knows he cannot win in this playing field so he chose another – Plants and Animals. Away from our gaze, over the years, those losers have gathered into majority and have become powerful. Our own fears and concerns have given them added and undeserving importance. Pachauri-ously, they proclaim doom on earth and mankind and mug the government for money.

OK, let’s turn our attention to birds. Had the birds been of any utility, the Wright brother would have been spared of all the trouble. We would not have depended on oil and Air Traffic Control. Birds co-existed with mankind for centuries but not one of them had a curtsey to give man a ride. They are worse than donkeys. Men had dreams of flying solved rightly by the brothers. Many say, birds gave us the concept of flying. Wrong. Our Aeroplanes do not flap their wings like birds and have you heard of plane-droppings. Planes drop but they don’t drop what we drop in the loo. In reality, these feathered creatures are most selfish of all animals. No wonder, we love hogging on chickens. Does it ever strike you how cute they are? Never.

Now aquatic life! Recount the usefulness of Whale, Shark etc. Had the sea-dwellers been productive, the sea would be fresh drinking water by now. Some fish we eat and it’s those we love. At least, they were able to contribute a part of their existence to the service of mankind. Others like whale and sharks are saved for futility. Well developed and advanced countries like Japan and China believe in no such crap. They eat all. And that’s the way to go.

Do we really need Plant and Animal Life? Take for example- Dubai- A desert or rather an oasis in midst of No Plants and No animals. All Middle-East are well developed metropolises. No one misses the Trees and the Birds. Well, if you want trees- get an artificial and that will serve the purpose. Why waste useful resources in growing greenery. Do something which will get you the Green-Backs.

There are countries in Africa which has nothing else but trees, forests, animals and poverty everywhere. We feel great about them. We ourselves live in concrete jungle but we force them not to cut trees or kill animals. Hello! Excuse me! It’s their country. Aren’t they rightful owners of their property and use it as they like. They are condemned to be poorest in the world. Those countries have nothing to eat. And we raise a ruckus when they feed on gorillas. In Africa, we have a mindset to eliminate Mankind for the sake of Plants and Animals. Very dangerous thoughts!

There are countries, all desert and stones and it’s rich, full of Amirs. Burj, Hyatt, Khalifa, everything. Nobody inquires or worries about Plants and Animals their. Who speaks when money talks. Show money, and we humans would turn into plants and animals. We can surely act like animals. Hence, our logic that we need Plants and Animals for balance of life, fails to stand the test of ecology. So, we need only Human Life. All other life forms needs to be eliminated. It’s time to replace old ecology with a new developing Idiotology!

Idiotology-a new science developed by Ignoble Laureate Neeraj Shrivastav, to provide a fresh look on Human Kind. Tell me, since the beginning of this world how much of forest and animals have we displaced and how many have gone extinct. Did anything happen. So if we completely finish off animals and forests, would anything happen. Nothing will happen. All these jingoism for oxygen, nitrogen and dioxides are big talks to scare you. Mankind has enough brains to survive and improvise. It has done these through centuries.

Also, we have to populate Mars and Jupiter. We have to create an environment for ourselves to test our potential to survive on land mass beyond earth. Animals and Plants are not going to help you. They are a lost cause. We have to begin right now. Or else we will have un-finished business just before launch. Then we have to blame Kalmadi. Worse, Sheila Dixit will take the credit.

Environmentalists, as the name suggests, are mental beings whose rightful place is the lunatic asylum. Unfortunately, the law thinks otherwise. As they are not the part of the food chain, their numbers have started to threaten mankind. Australians shoot kangaroos to check their population. We should start the same. We should begin by releasing Sansar Chand and assigning him a 007. And of course, he can keep their skins.